Introversion & the Church
Merriam-Webster defines an introvert as, “A typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone.” Takes on introversion and extroversion abound. Whatever we want to call it, a relevant observation, particularly for the church, is that we all have different capacities for social engagement. It matters because God has called us to life together.
Back in 2011, I was an intern with the New England Center for Expository Preaching, which was basically a pulpit supply for New England churches. Every week, we were assigned a text and early on Sunday morning, we were sent packing to preach at a church we’d never been to before. I’ll never forget meeting Donald Dacey, a seasoned pastor who invited me to preach Psalm 73 in his pulpit at Bradford Evangelical Free Church in rural—and I mean rural central Vermont. It was small, wooden church filled with light, with an entire windowed wall facing the Green Mountains.
Before the service, Dacey shared his story with me, that he was in big international business for years, but ended up back in the U.S. at Westminster Theological Seminary and then Yale Divinity to prepare for the pastorate. He spoke of himself as a painful introvert, which is quite a thing for pastor to be. He described his wife as an “off-the-charts” extrovert who loves hospitality. Perhaps there’s some truth in the saying “opposites attract” but nobody has ever claimed to my knowledge that they make good ministry partners. He then shared what continues to inspire me to this day.
When he began his ministry, preferring to be alone most of the week, he largely isolated himself. Social interaction was at times a trial for him, with preaching and short, intentional meetings being his strong suit. But he noticed that not only was his wife, who always had a crowd of friends, was withering due to his reclusive ways, but also the members of the church clearly needed his care. That’s when everything changed. Despite his strong preference to isolate, he opened up his life and his home to the congregation, and it has made all the difference.
The call to engage isn’t merely one for pastors. There are roughly 59 “one-anothers” in the New Testament that call every Christian to know and care for the members of the body. Here are several:
“Love one another” - John 13:34
Bear one another’s burdens” - Galatians 6:2
“Forgive one another” - Ephesians 4:2
“Live in harmony with one another”
“Build up one another”
“Confess your sins to one another” - James 5:16
“Stir up one another to love and good deeds” - Hebrews 10:24
A searching question for all of us is how are we to obey these and many other commands from God’s Word specific to God’s family if we’re not pursuing relationships with one another? The truth is that it’s impossible.
And so, here’s a word to those among us who are shy to jump in—who feel tempted after worship to slip out the door. Take if from a mentor of mine who often says about what he terms “relational capital” that, “whatever you have in the bank, just make sure you spend it.” Yes, and amen! Some of us may be most at home in a crowd. Others, surely not. But whatever capacity you have to do others in the church spiritual good—the call is to press in. It may be just a little. Maybe socially speaking, you’re living paycheck to paycheck. But no worries! Just give Jesus and His people your best effort, and by His grace, it will be enough.
